The Girl Of My Dreams Hates My Guts and Is Getting Engaged and I Don't Know What I'm Supposed to Do

by Zach Taul

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about

The second album by Zach Taul, the album explores the ideas of social anxiety, obsession, depression, aggression, self loathing and a false sense of happiness. This is an album about moving on from cancerous thoughts that lead to nothing but depression and replacing them with other thoughts that just lead to depression. Unlike the previous title, Buffalo Scrum, Girl of my Dreams has a more of a happier, yet more darker tone to it. It has more variety to it. I've been working on this since I was finished with my first album in December of 2015. I've scrapped ideas and riffs just to find whatever I thought was good. Which my taste in what's good is bad so I am sorry. Please give this album a listen, share it with your friends, make fun of me because I worked hard on something, I don't give a shit. You do you. I had fun making this album and I worked hard on it so its all that matter. Right? Thanks. I hope you can find one song that you enjoy.
Zach Taul

credits

released September 10, 2016

Zach Taul- Guitar and lyrics
Angelica Lynn Weiskittel- Album Artwork
Many other people- Song inspirations

tags

license

all rights reserved
Track Name: F.orced U.pon C.reating K.indheartedness
forced to be happy
not really happy
forced to be happy
just gonna SING!

SING IM Happy
not really happy
sing im happy
im not happy

living a lie
smiling falsely
forcingly laughing
just gonna sing

Sing im happy
not really happy
sing happy
im not happ

IM JUST GONNA SING MY WORDS
am i really happy now? x2
im just gonna force a smile
am i really happy now?

sing im happy
FORCED! x4
Track Name: And You
sun shines, bright
in the, night
my heads, blind
stuck through, mind
and I, can force
my thoughts, throughout
manipulate
what i, feel
and its, now
pointless, throughout
and i, cant
seem helpless

And you
dont see
and you
dont believe
in yesterday

and your, gone
and your, away
and its, the best
thing to happen
and Ill, tell
myself, that its
gonna, be fine
and be ok
but I cant
believe me
and my, lies
any, more

hidden message desolate mistakes thorough sins are
-broken desires
my minds just a white wasteland blinds the dark eyes
-takes away ambition
look and see what look and cry to at what Ive lost gone away but too late
-oh well not again
and its all just bullshit what you say and what you feel
oh well who cares
and i can think and i can say fuck you fuck you fuck you
drown away the memories

chorus
Track Name: Idiot
maybe you'll understand what I'm going through and i wont be in the dark this long
maybe you'll shine some light and free me keep my head high strong
and i wish for the pain, to disappear and all the bad thoughts to go away
and i just want the break, I've been waiting for, and for you to stop and stay

and you don't understand what I'm going through, but guess what, neither do i
and Ill hope to break, all my spirits, that and bringing me down today
and i wish that I, can fight for another week without the pain
and I'm stuck staring at the wall, empty minded and dead inside

and i don't want to see you anymore
and i cant stand to look at your face or think about you
cause its just causing me nothing but pain a lots of grief
and i need to do whats the best to save me

and I'm just a idiot for thinking
and I'm just an idiot for thinking about you today
Track Name: Doppleganger
i saw your doppleganger today
i wondered if shed stay
i count help but feel
attracted distracted
but all hope is gone
i hope its done

go away

i saw your doppleganger today
left me in a daze
left me wondering
was she nice and caring
was she better and daring
or was she just not such a bitch oh well oh well oh well

go away

got me another way to stay
got me another price to pay
i saw your doppleganger today
cant just just go away
Track Name: Asshole
and I'm trying
and I'm hoping
string me along
tell it to me

Im an asshole
im a piece of shit
im an asshole
im a little bitch

im a time bomb
blow up in their face
im a fucking mess
trying to fix me

im an asshole
im a piece of shit
im an asshole
im a little bitch

lying it through
im just being used
pointless bargaining chip
im a worthless fuck

im an asshole
im a piece of shit
im an asshole
im a little bich
im an assole
im a piece of filth
i know I'm screwed
i want to change
but who cares
i cant save me
Track Name: Someone New
For the past couple months I
Couldn't feel anything at all
i soon realized that you were nothing good for me
pain and grief, misery
all nothing I want to see
i can say that I'm fine
that I'm ok that I'm better now

and I've somehow
and I've somehow
fallen for someone else
someone someone new
someone better than you

been away for a couple months
finally say that I'm over you now
finally for a change i don't think I'll go up and relapse
i don't find the need to
care for you or worry again
Ive moved on, see the best and
she's the only thing on my mind

i can't get her out of my mind
its so surreal takes me away
it blocks all of the things i felt of
her and throws them away
so i can feel alive once again
and move on towards something I
feel has a chance and makes me smile
and something i feel hopeful towards
Track Name: Little Miss Hates Me
and theres something there
something about you x2
and i cant find it
something about you x2
wont you be there
by my side x2
i need you please
your on my mind tonight

and i just wish your boyfriend
would just go ahead and dump you
but i know that wont happen
because your so goddamn perfect

and I'm left wondering
whats it about you x2
i find my happiness
when your around x2
little miss hate me
you can't stand me. you fucking hate me
and I'm left wondering
whats it about you x2

and i wish you go
and BREAK UP with HIM
and you'll see what
I FEEL FOR I FEEL FOR
and ill just be
selfishly happy x2
but you cant stand me
Track Name: Girl You've Done A Number On Me
and i hardly see you anymore
actually rarely any do
we've all had something now we don't
come to our sense now were fine
fucked mind beyond repair
broken heart cant mend away
you've left me depressed and mad
girl you've done a number on

cant let go of the past
going strong and going fast
everyone knows and taks it well
everyone likes BUMBUMBUM!

you hate me but its okay
im an asshole and a piece of shit
now that I'm done and over you
i cant find the reason to try
what we had is lost and done
dead inside your boyfriends fun
its ok I'm fine and well
only bad thoughts soaring through

screaming and cursing
and i don't know why your on
my fucking mind
just get the fuck away and leave me the fuck alone before i become fucking stupid and fall for your fake ass and i become depressed over you once again and i forget that its not worth it!
Track Name: Fucked Up Despondency
and i don't wanna do the things that i liked doing before
im sitting by myself and I'm suffering inside
i cant find the things in life that make me smile
its fucked up and unreal this feeling i cant hide
im self loathing away in my mind
im wasting away alone and dead inside
somebody fucking save me and get me away
somebody fucking help cause i cant stay

i hate myself
i cant stand myself
i want to change myself
i want to fix myself
if i only knew how

i cant find the reason for why I'm feeling so low
im in a sea of sorrow drowning in mu self pity
living a life i cant take anymore and i scream
i cant tell if I'm over dramatic or just right
i find happiness when I'm fucking wasted
i cant confide in anyone or show how i am
sometimes i scare the shit out of myself
im wasting away and wasting my life.. alone … fuck it
Track Name: I Think I Like You But I'm Not Sure If I Want You To Know
and i just know that this isn't the first time
the first time someone has tried to woo you with a song
but well o well i don't fucking care
ill try the same thing and hope for something different

and i just wish that i can tell you something other
than the shitty night we had the day before but
nothings coming to my mind id say I'm just as
nervous as you are, but i think that that a lie

my social anxiety is going crazy
but i blame yo cuz i think your great
but i just hope you feel the same
cuz i think your someone special

i wanna try something new
i think it'll be something sweet
like potatoes and molasses
lets get over our social anxiety
together with each other
give it a try and come with me

and I'm not sure if you like me or not
its stressing me out so much but its alright
i just want to go be punk as fuck with you
forget how fucked this all is and melt away

im a nervous social wreck
anxiety driven

and all i want to do is spend some time with you
go to punk shows and rock the fuck out
all i want to do is talk to you
talk away the daze left in a day
Track Name: Social Anxiety Blaring Through
I cant deny
I cant hide
these feelings I've got for her
in my mind all over now
i just want
i just dream
of all these things i want to do
these things i want to do with her

i want to
be there for her
help her when she's feeling down and low
by her side so she knows
i dont want
i dont need
for history to repeat itself
for me to make a fool again

[Chorus]
I feel like I'm trying too hard
i feel like that my problem
Ill fall for her too quick and fail
ill make a mistake and screw it up
Ill ruin it once again for me
once again for me

thoughts of her
make me laugh
seeing her makes my whole day
it makes it worth all of the day
so i think
so i feel
I hope i don't scare her away
and freak her out before she sees

waiting till i have the courage
waiting till i can say something
hoping that she feels the same
hoping that she feels the same
I know I've already messed up
when i picked up my guitar
and thought her when i played
and wrote this song thinking of her
Track Name: The Girl of My Dreams
i like a girl but, she doesn't know my name
she barely knows that, i exist but i like her

i like a girl but, i cant talk to her
i can find the guts, to say what i feel

and the girl of my dreams
wants nothing to do with me
and i don't know what
im supposed to do

i like a girl but, she's getting engaged
i cant find the way, to say that i am for real

i like a girl but, she's already gone
she smiles at me to, fill my broken heart

and i cant think straight
my minds fucked up wildly
8 i need help but
I DONT WANT IT

solo?

thorough deepness cant save me now
my emptiness cannot be filled
the girl of my dreams
hates my guts
and is getting engaged
i dont know what
im supposed to do
Track Name: False Prophet
my mouths open but nothings coming out
theres a million things running through my head
thousands and thousands of things to start a conversation
but ill never overcome to say them
and theres nothing left to loose
and I'm missing out on so much
its a pity its a shame i cant help it
i just wish that i wasn't like that

and i cant flirt away the days
and I've got nothing to say
why cant i just talk to her
tell her she makes my head swirl
im a screw up x4

i just cant get over the fact
my insecurities are holding me back
the constant fear that I'm just not good enough
that ill say something a screw it up
and my anxiety is controlling
my decisions to make something good
and id do anything
so i wasn't such fucking joke

ill say you're everything to me
girl of my dreams
i can only talk to people who are
getting engaged
nothings easy nothings changed with her
girl of my dreams
its all fake its not real
girl of my dreams
false prophet
I can only
be who i want
when I'm not
who i really am
when everything stops
and i forget it all
every little bit of it
she's not real
she not really the girl of my dreams
i cant help but think that its gonna be
right in the end
but i know its not
not anymore
Track Name: Nothings Gonna Be Alright
I feel like my college is wasted
i feel like I'm a pointless cause
i feel as if I'm gonna fail and never reach my goals
i feel like nobody is listening
I feel like a dog with no owner
i feel abandoned and hated by everyone i know

i feel like I'm going for wrong girl
i feel like I'm just wasting my time
i feel like I'm chasing a ghost, that doesn't want to be found
i feel like she doesn't even like me
i feel like i get on her nerves
im just a thorn in her side, who likes her away

And, I feel. Like, Ive been.
lying, to myself. Saying, that its
Gonna, be ok. Gonna, be alright
that everything. gonna be fine
Ive lost all. my motivation.
i have no. no inspiration
i cant play. i cant write
everything i do. is a waste of time
and I'm singing. and I'm playing
but there isn’t. no ones listening.
im by myself. I have no one.
no family. no friends.
all have left me. Given up on me.
im the fuck up. who plays songs.
for himself. to help me.
so i don’t. hate myself.
but its not. helping so much.
i cant stand. it anymore.
what is the. point of it.
i cant be! Who i want to be.
i dont know. where I'm going.
whats ambition? what are my goals?
i cant do. what i need
for my future. its all fucked.
ill never. amount to anything.
I dont write. my music.
for my fans. its for me.
and I'm sorry. but oh well.
what fans am. i talking to.
I hate myself. I hate myself.
id be better. gone away
goodbye. goodbye.